INFJ Problems – Over-giving

Hi, I’m an INFJ. When we first meet i’ll assess you. I don’t mean to, it’s what I do. I will make a quick judgement about you (and usually it’s on point).

Then regardless whether you ask for it, if I see you need something, I will give it to you. I’m not talking about physical needs here (though I have been known to give away furniture, computers and clothes to my needy friends). I’m talking here about emotions.


You need empathy. Here, take some of mine. You need sympathy? I’ll listen. You need to unburden your anger and frustration. Use me as your empty vessel to fill.

I’m an INFJ it’s what I do.

The problem occurs when I give away too much of myself. I spend all day everyday taking little bits of my heart and soul and giving them away. I rarely get them back and if they are returned, they’re not in good condition.

By the end of the day, i’m scattered and battered and have lost too much of myself to even be me anymore (heaven help you if you’re the driver who cuts me off on the way home).


It takes solitude and escape to heal the holes left by what I’ve given away.

So when I flinch at being asked out after work, don’t take it personally. I just need my space to heal… without you around.


*If you’d like to know more about INFJs or the Myers Briggs Personality Types follow this link 

8 thoughts on “INFJ Problems – Over-giving

  1. “By the end of the day, i’m scattered and battered and have lost too much of myself to even be me anymore (heaven help you if you’re the driver who cuts me off on the way home).” That’s how I feel too. Being alone does a great good. It’s key to recognize what makes us heal and you’ve already done that.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m an INFJ, too, although a lot of it is just being an empathetic introvert, which is something I can wrap my mind around. As introverts, we need alone time to recharge. And it’s important to learn to set limits. People can and will take advantage of you if you don’t.

    It’s not good to let yourself become exhausted if you can avoid it, and moral exhaustion is particularly dangerous. You’re trying to give of yourself because you’re a good person. It’s important to keep some reserves just in case they’re needed. Nobody expects you to give your last dollar feeding the hungry, or at least not all the time.

    So give yourself permission to maintain some distance when you need it. I think that’s very healthy. Of course, I’m an introvert, too. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Problem is, I’M usually the one who DOES expect me to keep giving until there’s nothing left. Part of being an INFJ is being a perfectionist and extremely hard task master. I don’t give myself a break until I go fall down exhausted. Burn out.
      How many times have I been there!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Remember, you can’t give anyone anything if you are so burned out you can’t cope. I tell this to a friend of mine all the time. She’s like you, so generous and kind. It’s not selfish to take care of yourself sometimes. Hugs from an INTP

    Liked by 1 person

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